Tag: conscious

Blinders

Blinders

“Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.”- MLK

I’ve been disappointed, though not surprised, at a handful of acquaintances in the “spiritual”, “life coach”, “manifesting” world, all of them white, who call themselves independent thinkers, even progressive, and are actually buying into some of the Trump/Far Right Republican talking points. At first, these have included that having to wear a mask (to help prevent people from dying) is a ruse/plot to control us, hearing things like “Big Government…Bill Gates…pedophile rings…Jeffrey Epstein’s friends (hello, Trump was one of them, when asked about Ghislaine Maxwell he said, twice, “I wish her well”. Don’t get me started.)

This has devolved into “well really, all lives matter because we are all One…just move on from slavery and stop playing the victim…drop your story…just be happy…you can heal yourself…you can never really be harmed”. There’s a term for it now because it’s become so prevalent, GasLightworker.

Yes, most of the pharmaceutical companies are not to be trusted. The power of the mind to heal is a real thing and is actually possible. Love is the answer. In the big picture, everything is working out as it must. We can change our perceptions about our pasts and our futures. Miracles do happen. But that doesn’t mean we get to impose our privilege soaked, spiritual heirarchy mindfuckery onto those who are knee deep in struggle, pain, crisis.

It is insulting, diminishing and disrespectful not only to them, but to those parts of ourselves that have suffered too. No matter how much we improve our ability to feel good, our shadow follows us everywhere. It has a purpose, let’s honor it and the lessons it’s taught us. Acknowledge it’s wisdom to change us; to remember our wounded child. It remains there not to torture us but to free us, so that we can truly be “of service”.

We must, always, put ourselves in other’s shoes who are less fortunate than we are. Then help in any way we can, big or small. Self Mastery is not just standing up for love. It is standing up TO intolerance, hatred, and most insidious, indifference.

What’s especially dangerous about this slippery slope of denial in the “spiritual/personal development” community right now, is the slow dismissing and dehumanizing of the “less evolved”, the poor, the suffering. This is part of what contributed to the rise of Nazi Germany. We must nip this in the bud now when we see it, by not being silent, when those in our own circles show signs of “other”ism, classism, and of course very subtle or blatant racism.

The silence I was met with a few days ago, when I confronted a racist comment in a facebook group I was invited to (“a place for conscious, deep discussions”), was beyond eye opening. That person’s comment remains without anyone else denouncing it.

We didn’t come here for “I got mine”, or to just be “Divine”. We are here to be Humanity too, and to take care of our fellow Earthlings who inhabit it. Therein lies the rub, our greatest challenge.

By shutting our eyes and ears to others pain, be they human animal or non-human animal, to deny our own dark feelings, to stop ourselves from being affected by the world, so we can maintain our “high vibration” and “manifest prosperity”, is to eventually end up in a spiritually bypassing gated community with other people exactly like us. In that mansion, we stop growing, learn nothing, and betray ourselves in the process. That’s not abundance, that’s death in disguise.

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What If

What If? Those two words alone hold within them all the power of the Universe. Oh hell, Infinity, Intuition, Source, God, Science or whatever blah blah blah. Again, I notice, I just added that quip because that was me being self conscious that you’d make an assumption about me because I used the word Universe. Yes, those types can be extremely annoying, and I’m certainly one of them some of the time. Amy Schumer did a brilliant and hilarious spoof on that subject on her tv show. I’m also the opposite of that at other times, irritated as all get out at people who call themselves “conscious” and “spiritual” and have no sense of humor. I’d rather shoot the shit with the guy who bags my groceries at TJs. But my point being, I was already feeling the need to censor what I was saying in just the second sentence.

Act as If is the eager sister to What If. It also holds the power to create worlds, but What If is the Big Bang. What if…I truly write this thing like a journal and really didn’t give a crap about what “people” think? And Universe help me, who are these people again? Why does it matter and what’s the worst that could happen? Some of them would not like me. Great! I’m that much closer to my people then. Good riddance.

Why Not is the tipsy uncle to What If. Today, there is no answer to the tipsy uncle, it’s not a question anymore. Why Not has just become a statement. It is done. There is no reason to not. To not what? Tell the whole damn truth up in here. I simply remain with the question of What If? What if next week when I go up on that stage (if my name gets picked) and I fall flat on my face? Meaning, nobody laughs or utters a sound, I stutter, I blank out, I forget the most important parts, my heart does it’s usual beating out of my chest but this time everyone can actually see it. It’s so loud and so overpowering that it halts my voice and I can’t even speak properly, it causes me to be short of breath and I look like I might faint. Ah, that reminds me of what happened to Kyle Cease when he started having stage fright for the first time as a comedian, after fifteen or so years of doing it. It got so bad that he created this new fear about fainting on stage. “What if I could make myself faint on stage? What if I faint while taping my big Comedy Central special?”(paraphrasing). Sometimes, the worst fear leads to the deepest suffering, which in turn can lead to an awakening into a whole new way of living, a whole new identity.

I get that fear now, it just occurred to me, but it occurred to me in the best way. Because right now I’m actually trying to think of what’s the worst that could happen, taking it all the way to the the end, not freaking out and trying to figure out how to prevent that end. Because if I surrender to possibly failing the first time, the first many times, ok, so what? Failing, or even doing a meh job, would actually be just fine. The thing is, if I am great the first time, and the next time and just continue to be, the day will come eventually when I do fail in some way, and I’d have to deal with it then anyway. But it would probably be a much harsher pill to swallow.

I know this from experience. I was good at dancing and got lead roles easily when I was young. Then one day, I got fat, or fat by ballet’s standards. So to me, I’d failed. And it’s taken me years to come to terms with the self-doubt that created. All the attention was too soon, I wasn’t really ready for it.

What if I accepted that I likely will suck at this new thing at first, and that is A-Ok? Yay, I went through that and I’m still here and as God is my witness I’ll never go hungry again! I mean, as God is my witness I’ll never let failing stop me again! Scarlett O’Hara Redux. Because after that, if I do fall flat on my face, I now vow, in the words of Steely Dan, to go back, Jack and DO IT AGAIN. That’s what I know is different. This time, I’ve decided beforehand that if the worst happens, it’s just fine and good and I’ll be learning something. The failing itself (I now know, not just speculate) will make me get better. So now I can relax. I can maybe even have fun. It is childhood, giving adulthood a hug and a kick in the ass. It is nature’s way. It is part of getting good at something, anything, but especially something important that holds a lot of meaning and purpose and fear. On the flip side, the actual purpose of the fear itself is to let us know we’re on the right track. The fear shows us our purpose. If I’m really scared of this thing, dammit, that means I know I have to do it.

So if I continue with this line of thinking, this also means that if I’m afraid of what people think, that means I have to say it. Ah yes, thanks Self. That may seem obvious to you, reader, but sometimes things just click at the right moment. And since I’m trying this whole “I really don’t care what you think” thing out, though I love you and want what’s best for you, please move on if this is turning you off. You’re actually just an aspect of myself that I don’t need anymore. So thanks for your disapproval, it’s made me who I am up to this moment, it’s your actual (imagined in my mind) disapproval that has helped me surpass needing it in the first place. “The circle of liiife!”

I got what I needed to know by putting fingers to keyboard, letting my real voice talk and wander, and it gave me the answer it needed, however simple. Sometimes you hear the same thing your whole life, but you’re hearing it only from a certain narrow perspective, then you hear it once from a new, wider and heightened perspective and it takes on total significance. I feel fear of being more honest, which simply means that’s what I’m supposed to say. Hmm, yes that feels true. But also there is a caveat, that isn’t actually always the case. Of course there’s plenty of things that if I said them, it actually wouldn’t be the best thing; for me. Maybe for someone else, but me is all I got. So, here’s where wisdom comes in, where all these years of practice listening to my heart gallups in to save the day.

All I can do is continue to listen for the truth, trust if something feels off, and either say it or don’t say it. The reason this time though, the deciding factor, shall be wisdom and knowing, not fear.