Tag: vegan

Those without a voice

There’s a million things I can post about on social media right now, and I know that posting about the plight of animals and the consequences of our actions regarding them can get a collective “oh please, yawn, there’s so many other things to be talking about right now! This is not the time!”

It’s always the time to talk about compassion. We feel compassion for the elderly, the sick, the dying, those who are losing everything, those in the deepest stress and fear of their lives right now, these things that I am feeling on a deep level too. I have a lot of fear too, I’ve been suffering in certain ways too. No one can know the pain in another’s heart. And I hurt for all those around the world who are suffering. And thank God we are finally talking about the things that really matter to us. And if ever there was a time to say “I don’t care anymore how people are going to react to what’s in my heart and what I need to say, no matter how it’s perceived, get over yourself!” it is NOW.

This issue is just one of many passions, there is so much to love in this world, so much beauty; the beauty of animals is one of them. And they are also (like immigrants, like prisoners, like the homeless, like the poor and disenfranchised) the forgotten; dismissed, hurt and thrown away. I’m not a mother, and in lieu of my own child, animals pierce my heart just like a child does. They are innocent, they feel joy, pain and fear too. They just want to live, be free and be with their families.

What is so yearned for in these times is being honest about how we feel and what we’re going through. To say what we must say because it’s more painful not to. is  The planet needs you to be who you are, now more than ever, so that others can know that they can too. Love your fellow Human, reach out and give to your fellow Human. Love your fellow Earthling too.

And please stop eating them, and their milk that was stolen from their babies, as their babies were stolen from them. You can do this for a variety of reasons, for the environment, to prevent another pandemic, for your own health, but to do it for them is the true calling of love. The peace of knowing that you’re doing no harm, and helping Mother Earth and all its inhabitants to heal, is a great relief and empowering strength that no taste pleasure, convenience or cultural pressure can give you.

(art by Lynda Bell)

Just Say It

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What is going on? Night before last, one of the best of my life, made my day. But last night, I dreamt I was with a friend and we came into her home to find her dog slaughtered on the kitchen floor. Yet not all the way dead, still breathing, and looking at us “why did you let this happen to me?” What the holy hell. One of the worst nightmares I’ve ever had.

Maybe it was because I’d just seen a clip of a pig being slaughtered, as the USDA just made news yesterday by reinstating “high speed pig slaughter”, one of the most brutal and horrifying deaths a sentient being could have. And thus, the thought of this kind of cruelty being done to gentle, intelligent, innocent pigs, cows and chickens too, and baby cows and chicks and piglets, by the billions every day, and accepted, and hidden within mainstream society; the utter insanity of this melted into my subconscious and I had a dream that it was right in front of me. Thus I was personally devastated by it.

As I am in my waking life, we are all impacted, whether consciously or not, by the depraved industry that is animal agriculture. The horror was not new to me. The first time I started seeing any of it, finally let myself sit through the undercover videos, was about eight years ago. It haunted my dreams then too.

I’ve shared “annoying/extreme vegan activist” stuff, simply the truth behind the lies, on facebook more consistently lately when I feel I must say something, but not for awhile. Right now though, instead of going to work-out and get on with my day, I’m compelled again to share these things. That nightmare was telling me something that I’m still trying to put my finger on. Maybe it’s partly, say what the hell you want to say in this life. Not just about politics, animal rights, spirituality, the environment, oppression of all kinds, but your own story especially.

Speak on anything that’s important, to you! Risk being in the minority, getting criticized and ridiculed, being ignored. In the end, what does it matter? Do I want to live my life being safe, and only sharing things that are easy for people to hear because then I’ll be liked and approved of by everyone? Great. That may temporarily satisfy the ego, but it kills the soul. I need to be liked and approved of by my own self first. And that means being honest. I am love and light, and grief and guilt, and self doubting and fearful, sometimes embarrased and regretful and sometimes there is shame.

But the more I listen and ask myself, what feels right to do, to say? Not for the attention, not to be seen, or liked, but because it’s why I’m here, I can at least know I’m being who I came here to be. Then the joy and inspiration and wanting to share that returns too, because I honored the times when the opposite feelings just needed to be felt; and expressed. No matter who doesn’t like it.

After I wrote and shared about this and other animal issues yesterday, I went to a fitness class in the afternoon.  A woman behind me had this piglet tattoo on her calf; and the woman right next to me was wearing a shirt, with a large photo of her dog that covered her entire chest. The dog’s face had the same eyes, looking at me in my nightmare from the night before. And that affirmation was so much better than a like or a comment. The approval of Spirit, telling me to keep saying what I must, is all I need.

To be or not to be in “the zone”

I recently started an Experiment; fits and starts is actually more like it. I even made sure to capitalize the E. That would make me do it! I decided to:

Go on a cleanse. Meaning, for me, a self-designed “program”. Again, I used that particular word in the hopes it would strengthen my Great Intention. For however long I can, it was simply, I’m going to just eat veggies (raw, juice, salads, soups) and fruits and a vegan protein shake with almond milk and chia seeds. I also decided to allow myself some sweet fixes, like a couple pieces of dark chocolate. The thought of not having even a tiny sweet fix is just a little too much to take right now.  I didn’t have a deadline or end date. This time, I wanted to keep going past a day or two, which I’d never done before. I wanted to see, how healthy I could really get? What if I just keep going?

The other thing I’d decided was to meditate for an hour every day. I’ve already been meditating on and off since I was 27, but in the last year or so had made a better effort to do it almost every morning for, well, at least five minutes, sometimes twenty, twenty being the goal, but sometimes, mostly ten or fifteen.

The first few days, wow, I did it! I was pretty amazed about the cleanse part. I actually only ate veggies and fruit and shakes the first two, and felt incredible (more on that later), but then a little slip here and there but pretty good. The point was though, I didn’t exactly stick to it wholeheartedly. So, after a week, I started again. Every morning in fact, I decided, I would just keep starting again, until. Like when you first start riding a bike. You’ve got to fall off a few times before you can just ride.

So now I’m on New Day 12. On Day 10, I fell off the wagon. To most people it wouldn’t seem like overeating. I already eat really healthy, have been mostly vegan for the last four years or so. Oh lord, plant-based if the V word turns you off. Believe me, I understand (more later). But I do go off it. The point is, I fell off the wagon of keeping my word to myself.

Normally, in all my life, the way I would respond to letting myself down would be the usual default pattern of most humans – berate myself, both consciously and subconsciously, and sabotage my progress and my improving self-esteem with all sorts of destructive thoughts and behaviors. I won’t get into my past here, that’s for another time, you’ll have to just get on with your life until then.

But this time, and this had almost everything to do with the increase in meditation, I decided I would not beat myself up. I would really catch (was getting better at this now) when I would find myself feeling in a weird/shitty mood. I was becoming more able to pin-point the first thoughts that led to it, that very slow and painful process of going from feeling great to, just a few moments later, being in a fog of confusion about why I’d suddenly succumb to doubt and fear.

I started saying “I forgive myself”. What a concept. How obvious yet so very hard for most of us.  I decided that would be my new mantra, all day long. When noticing falling into my old patterns of saying any variation to myself of “I can’t believe I just said that/acted like that/did that”, “I can’t believe I’m still (fill in the blank), “I’m so (fill in the blank)”, “I might never (fill in the blank).”, “what if I’m always going to (fill in the blank)” etc, I’d stop and say, “I forgive myself”. It seems so trite, maybe, but only if you’re just hearing those words and you’re not actually doing it. What would it take to actually, truly, forgive yourself for every self-defeating thought?

Of course I know, these seemingly destructive habits are universal. The suffering we inflict on ourselves on a daily basis, which most of us aren’t even aware of most of the time, is beyond any we can inflict on others. And even just that, realizing everyone does it; “it’s not just me, I’m not crazy” is the beginning of climbing back up.

So today, I started out with an idea of what I wanted to get done on my day off. Actually, it was the intention I set yesterday. But, inevitably, on the actual day, today, I didn’t feel the same way I felt when I made my precious list. Shocking! I was low energy and uninspired. In fact, this post is still reflecting that feeling. It’s kind of forced and awkward and not flowing. Yet, I soldier on!

I did get my workout in, but I ended up just doing grocery shopping and cooking and prepping my food for dinner and for all day tomorrow and some of the next. Now, getting my workout in didn’t feel like much of an accomplishment because it’s just part of my routine now. It’s taken me years to get to that point where “working out”, blech, is actually something I want to do. You have no idea (more on that later).

But this was the mindset I was in today – that I need to “accomplish, make it happen!”. When I started noticing my resistance to doing the one thing I really want to do, the one thing I told myself I should do, the creeping fog of self doubt started to emerge. So that’s the habit, if I don’t do the thing I told myself I’d do, I can’t even give myself credit for doing something that to some people would be a major accomplishment, working out. “Eh, but there’s so much more I’m supposed to be doing” *whine, sulk…The slippery slope began.

And yet. It ended there. I decided, if I’m not going to do the thing I really want to do, actually had convinced myself I should do, I can at least meditate again. I decided, I’m going to go for a full hour. This is something I’d only ever done once before, and that was a few days ago. I’d already meditated 20 minutes this morning. Again, hey, something I can now give myself credit for! So I thought, ok, if nothing else, get this done. Just do it.

I did. And something was lifted, something always is. (More on that later, especially). But my point is, I hoped it would put me back in the flow, in the zone of letting my thoughts pour out of me into inspired revelations of power and creativity! But, like those first few attempts at a bike, fits and starts. I do feel so much better. What is that? What exactly feels better? How I’m thinking about myself. I got a glimpse of who I really am. Everything. So how can All That Is judge and criticize this silly little personality? It, I, can’t. But my silly little personality is stil very much fighting for breath.

So that’s where I am right now. Better after I meditated for an hour, much more calm and allowing of myself just as I am, but also not quite feeling that state of perfect ease that I know I can feel. That’s the striving though, and there is no way to that feeling. It either is or it isn’t. Trying to feel it is just another addiction, and the beginning of another, and another. But this time, learning to allow myself to be and feel everything that’s in me, is also exactly right, the greatest lesson, and as it should be. To live by the words of my all time favorite song, Let It Be.

And hey, at least I stuck to my cleanse. Ok I didn’t do the one thing I told myself I’d do. Oh wait, I kinda did. But I didn’t do it the way I wanted to, I wasn’t in the flow of joy and ease when I did it! Oh jesus, listen to myself. It really is ridiculous, what we put ourselves through.

And what was the thing I told myself I’d do today, that I didn’t do? I didn’t do it the way I wanted to, but screw it all to hell, I DID DO IT?

Write.